I don’t often post anywhere about my struggling feelings anymore, having long since learned to process and deal with them better. Lately though, everything just FEELS…. Since my training injury the other week (pulled my piriformis┬áduring deadlifts), I’ve not been training much at all.. the first week I did some upper body work and kick boxing, but I aggravated the injury so we backed off. Last week I finally got some physical therapy on the site and have another appointment next week that seems to have me on the road to recovery. I’m still in pain. I’m still not training like I want to be.

Basically I’m detraining which is causing me a slight bought of possible depression. I don’t really want to call it that because that seems extreme, but the mood swings, the emotional reactions to ridiculous things, the general blah feelings really just have me in that mindset.

Then the eating bad things started last week and wow, did I ever go off the rails there.

All of these things have me not feeling like me. Then add on the wonky feelings I’m left with when we move out, stress of the move, and I’m just not in a good place.

I haven’t felt like this in years and I do not like it ONE FREAKING BIT.

Today, I went ahead and tried to do something of a lower body workout – it was weaksauce, but I did some step-ups and at least sweated and got out of breath. It was something. Tomorrow we will do some upper body and am committed to getting in some training each day even if it’s not squatting 300 pounds on a leg day.

I was hoping to feel better after working out, but the headache that I developed after an earlier text message is still here in full force and I’ve just taken an ibuprofen for some relief.

So today, I’m giving myself this moment to be all sad bastard and then I’m doing my damnedest to turn things around and not let these feelings take me over entirely. I honestly do not have time for this right now. I have a lot going on with our move (we finally started packing last night) coming up in a few weeks and everything that goes along with that.

I have a lot to do and no time to mope around about it — food prep, lecture prep, moving prep, calls to make for estimates on things to fix at the rental, and some time for my Tony and I to cuddle.

So be gone FEELS.. be gone.